my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
