So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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