I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
