I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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