Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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