I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
