ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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