And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize