Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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