thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
