I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
