Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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