Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
