as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
