turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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