my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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