She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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