I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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