Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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