I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
