i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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