My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
