Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
