So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
