Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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