Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
