where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're completely useless in the revolution.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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