I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it because I queefed?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
