I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize