I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
