Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
