had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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