walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
