You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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