Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
