i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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