remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
