saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
