I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
