She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
