they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this boner is exhausting
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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