just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
