My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
