Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
