The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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