So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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