He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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