Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
