Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
