What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
