Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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