I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
