I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
