He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
