i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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