Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
