think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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