I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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