How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
