see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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