i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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