Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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