When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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