i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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