So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
