If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
