lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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