Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
